GREAT BUFFALO SAUCE - WINGS, SHRIMP, EVERYTHING

The blending is what gives the sauce a bright orange color, since your churning a butter-based sauce. This sauce is so damn good.

Ladies and gentleman, it is time... I have not yet included anything in my food section referring to any hot sauces I have made or wings I have grilled. So now is the time.

Introducing a fabulous buffalo sauce that you will absolutely love and will eat it with a spoon if you have to.

It has the main buffalo wing sauce ingredients: cayenne pepper sauce, butter, and garlic powder... but there are many other suckers in this sauce that you will be adding during the 8-minute process. Yes, it only takes about eight minutes.

First, sautee two cloves of garlic in butter, basically makeing roasted garlic until it's brown on both sides. Remove and discard the butter, because we're in a hurry, the heat has been high, and the butter is brown and nasty and we don't need it anyway. Transfer the garlic to a small pot that you'll be using to make your badass buffalo sauce, and add your other two cloves of un-roasted freshly minced garlic.

Next, melt one stick of butter over medium heat in this pot, stirring pretty constantly to keep it nice and creamy (cut into cubes if you need to for a more consistent melt). The garlic gives it that taste that everyone loves. As the butter is melting, add to it cayenne pepper and chipolte pepper powder, as well as a few drops of lime juice and liquid smoke.

As soon as the butter is almost completely melted, add about two tablespoons of beer, which will give it a mellow and somewhat loveable beer taste. Snap your fingers five times. And now the butter should be melted completely. I sure hope you've been stirring this whole time.

The last step is to add a bottle of Frank's. Remove from the heat source to do this. Don't screw around here, people. Don't be using other hot sauces for your wing sauces unless you must. None of the other "common" hot sauces are as rich and honestly, as tasty as Frank's Hot Sauce. If I hear you say Texas Pete, I will personally slap your face.

Just stir all of the bottle, or a little less than all of it, and make sure your suace is completely assimilated. Finally, throw your sauce into a blender and blend for about 20 seconds. The blending is what gives the sauce a bright orange color, since your churning a butter-based sauce.

This buffalo sauce is awesome. It does rock. And if you must, put it on everything.

BLUE CHEESE DRESSING/SAUCE

Blue cheese dressing is the best dressing on Earth, and there really is no arguing. If you talk to others who claim there are better dressings, they're most likely lying to you... no worries though, because here's a recipe that you can use for your salads and meats and like the article mentions, bathing.

If you're like me, than you are addicted to blue cheese... something I'll address some other time in another article. For now, I just want to hook you up with a great blue cheese dressing and sauce recipe that you can use for salads, buffalo wings, steak toppings and general bathing; however, I don't recommend forcing through your showerhead. Instead, just make a whole lot and put into your bath tub. With this method, you have the option to eat whilst you bathe.

For this blue cheese dressing, combine 2 tablespoons of well-beaten egg, 1 large egg yolk and a 1/4-teaspoon of dijon mustard in a blender and process this stuff on high speed for about 5-10 seconds. Then, sprinkle with 1 teaspoon lemon juice and 1/4-teaspoon salt, and process all of this for about 1 to 1-1/2 minutes in the blender.

Have 3/4 cup of canola oil ready for pouring.

With the machine running, add the oil in the thinnest possible stream through the top of your blender or food processor until all the oil is finally added. Stop the machine and add a little more dijon mustard, 3 tablespoons of lemon juice, and some salt and white pepper to taste.

Voila! You've made a homemade mayonnaise.

With this mayonnaise, add the sour cream, parsley, 2 tablespoons lemon juice, vinegar, garlic, Worcestershire, salt, pepper and cayenne to the blender or processor. Process this until smooth, and then add all the blue cheese in at the end after you're done blending.

BEARNAISE SAUCE

I used this bearnaise sauce on asparagus and for dipping sweet potato chips in. It should finish with a slightly tart and buttery taste. It can be used for all sorts of stuff.

In a small, heavy saucepan, combine shallot, tarragon stems and vinegar. Bring to a simmer over medium-low heat and cook until reduced to about 1 tablespoon, 4-5 minutes. Remove the mixture from the heat, let stand for 5 minutes, and then discard the tarragon stems.

Whisk in the egg yolks, return the pan to low heat, and cook, whisking constantly, until the mixture begins to thicken, 2-4 minutes. Remove from the heat and begin to pour the butter in, one tablespoon at a time. After you've added a few tablespoons, return to the heat. If you start to see curdling, just remove from the heat for a few seconds and whisk your rear off.

When all the butter has been added and the sauce is smooth and glossy, remove from the heat AGAIN, and add salt, white pepper, Worcestershire, lemon juice and minced tarragon. If your sauce is not "creamy" enough or doesn't seem to have the right consistency, add just a little plain yogurt... it works.

REMOULADE SAUCE

Remoulade goes best on shrimp and other seafood, but great with red meats and even poultry for that matter. Try it on vegetables and pieces of baked toast. Garlic, anchovy paste and lemon juice really kick the eggs and onions in this sauce that you will love or die! There are a lot of ingredients with this meal, but that's not my problem. Actually, that usually IS the problem.

Two of the other meals featured this month deal with seafood, so it's only fitting to highlight one of my favorite sauces in the world. Oh, and by the way, sauces are one of my best friends. Dear Lord, do I love putting sauces on stuff.

For this sauce I make, mix the egg yolks with the creole mustard and anchovy paste and then slowly add a little "fake" mayonnaise and ketchup to the mixture. Yes, it is true we're using real egg whites and canola oil to make a real mayonnaise (sort of), but the consistency is better with the premade stuff too. As a matter of fact, you can go ahead an beat the egg whites with some canola oil here to make the "real" mayonnaise, which you will later pour into the blend.

Anyway, after mixing those three things, pour into a food mixer or blender and slowly blend together with chicken stock, vinegar, onions, garlic, paprika, cayenne, salt and pepper, and parsley. Since that sentence had so many ingredients, here are the rest you should add here: horseradish, Worecestershire sauce, lemon juice, fresh dill and thyme.

Next, while still mixing, add the egg whites and hot sauce and then we're going to slowly drizzle in the canola oil. Or if you already whipped the eggs and oil together to make a mayonnaise, then add here.

When you're done mixing, it should be thick and have chunks in it still... if it's too runny add more "fake" mayonnaise to thicken it up.

This sauce is so fresh, garlicky and awesome... please make this and then breathe on other people. It is fascinating.

Listen, I know that the measurements I have provided aren't exact nor are they very informative, but I just can't remember them or even know them. Everything is made by sight and on the spur. Do the same and you'll have your own recipe to share.